Manage like a parent

Did it ever strike you that parenting might be a good metaphor for managing people?  It hit me the other day as I was asking my six year old, for the eighth time, to stop messing with the new DVD screen in our car.  I thought to myself "I've told him that at least 50 times, yet he still doesn't get it".

Then I thought - that's something I say ocassionally to myself at work!  The more I thought about parenting as a metaphor for managing, the more convinced I became that good parents ought to make good managers, although the reverse may not be true.  Here's why:

1.  Parents have experience repeating themselves until the key messages are heard and understood.  Granted, our messages are more about picking up toys or taking baths, but this is the same behavior we need as managers.  The folks who work for us and with us need message reinforcement as well, mostly because they are busy and their attention spans are constantly interrupted by phone, email, instant messaging and other pulls on their time and attention.

2.  Parents reward good behavior and discipline behavior they want to see changed.  Isn't this what good managers do?  I think a good manager recognizes the great work someone on her team does and uses it as an example to motivate others.  Note the rewards are public.  A good parent disciplines and uses an issue as a teachable moment.  Discipline happens in private.  A good manager should encourage and instruct people who work for him when they fail to meet expectations.

3.  Parents let their kids stretch their abilities and give them some leeway to fail.  The only way for a child to grow is to stretch their abilities and push their boundaries - to some limit of course.  Managers should encourage the people that work for them to push their abilities, contribute as much as possible and learn as much as possible.  It should be OK to fail, as long as you learn from the failure and don't repeat it.

4.  Parents eventually launch their kids into the world where the kids are "on their own", but parents are always there for support and mentoring.  Our kids grow up and become (hopefully) incredible people in their own right.  They may still need their parents from time to time for advice or other help.  Our direct reports are in the same situation.  Many of them will mature in their roles and some will eventually take on new roles.  How well we've prepared them as managers will soon be reflected in their work.  I think a good manager is always ready to counsel a person he or she groomed, regardless of the eventual roles and responsibilities each bears.

I guess I could go on - but you get the point.  Parenting skills are very similar to managing skills in some regards.  Obviously we don't have our kids lives schedule with Microsoft Project, but many of the skills you use to raise a kid can be and should be reflected in the way you manage people.

Comments

[Brian Glick]

I'd be very cautious with this line of thinking. In my experience, managers who act like parents tend to be pedantic and hard to work for. When you start thinking of your employees as "children" it becomes very easy to start treating them that way (often subconsiously), and there is no easier way to build resentment then to talk down to them.